Why am I doing the MKE? (Week 2)

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For those of you who are familiar with the Master Key Experience (MKE) and have run through the program, the question: “WHY is there so much stuff to do!??” likely will put a knowing smile on your face.

Or you might find your head moving up and down in a knowing and understanding nod, thinking:

“Been there, thought that.”

I’d bet my chore card on it – that you have held the same or similar thoughts.

I mean, who would not feel overwhelmed – with so many new tasks being added to one’s to-do-list?

For all of you reading this post while thinking about applying for an MKE-scholarship – please do yourself the favor to keep reading.

 

Summary of week 2

Where to start?

The second week has been as messy as the first. Maybe even more so, after all the insights I had last week. Because now I am much more aware of my own ‘failures’.

Most of all, not being able to manage my time in a way that allows me to keep my promises to do all the tasks. (In case you are new to MKE – the tasks are mainly: things to read, to sit in silence for 15 min a day and writing a blog and getting clear on what you want from life).

As the deadline to hand in my updated DMP (Defnite Major Purpose) came closer, I luckily got to use my day off to re-watch the Sunday night class.

Which I had eagerly started… but it starting at 10pm where I live, I had, to my great disappointment, found myself waking up towards the end of it, missing out a great deal.

Why? The class had neither been boring nor is it irrelevant to me!

Far from it as it is here to help me change my life!

But my body – after now 2 weeks of mismanaged time, resulting in only roughly 4-5 hrs sleep/ day – decided it had other priorities on a Sunday night than atenting class for 2-3 hours…

And it has continued to rebell since, throughout most of week 2.

 

Thus Week 2 has been a never ending battle

A battle between:

Mind (“I must do my homework!”) VS. Body (“I don’t care, I must do my work and I need you to sleep for that”).

And so, almost each night, I found myself sit down to work on my tasks, just to find my head on the sofa,  upon waking around 2 am.

Each night I decided to finish my readings right then.

Resulting in a rather tired awaking at 5.15 am.

Tired I tried to finish my MKE morning tasks, mourning routine and then get on my bike to ride 20kms to work (1hr non-stop).

 

My current situation

I currently work as a post delivery person – so for 8 to 10 hrs I deliver letters, packets (50-90/day are the new normal since Corona) and lots of advertisement flyers, catalogues, etc. …

No need to talk about how tired I feel after that, when around 4.30-5pm I get on my bike to ride 20km back home. It often takes me now 1,5hrs as my batteries are low.

It is my luck, that I only work there 2-3 days a week.

Because it takes me at least 1-2 days to recover from these physically demanding days.

Resting should be only natural, but for me it is where conflicts start, as I have another part-time job, try to build up a business on the side and am (supposedly) a full time student in her third semester.

Though I wish I had a family, I can’t even imagine how life would be if I had also a family to look after….

Yet it is not being busy that bothers me most, but the never-ending tiredness.

Which continuously makes me feel disappointed in myself as I can’t keep up with my (maybe to unrealstic) goals.

What about you? Can you relate? Are you here with me or have been there?

 

Why always so tired?

You didn’t ask me, but here is what I’d tell you:

When you find yourself:

  • dragging your feet to work (every day)
  • taking a lot of effort to get motivated about work
  • then you likely don’t love your work or your current tasks.

Yet, I want to perform well! I am one of these people who define themselves through work.

Meaning, to feel like a good human being – I must do good work. (That this in itself is not a healthy way of living I will not debate, but that is a complete different topic.)

Why my current work does not make me feel motivated:

  • I’m plainly shown that in the system I am easily replaceable
  • My employer saves business expenses on costs of his employees (Thanks to Corona the delivery business has boomed, but employees are expected to manage the increased amount of work in the same time, for the same money – and I as a part time worker do not get any of the benefits other employees get.)
  • I neither get recognition
  • Nor do I feel that I am making a difference in someone’s life – which would give me a lot of energy, as helping others is one of my Personal Pivotal Needs.

And so, I seem to end up using all my energy just to survive work, just to meet financial meets.

I go to work to survive, not to create or achieve or to grow.

Living fully and contently? Far from it.

And my heart?

Got lost somewhere along the way.

 

‘Why am I doing this?’

And that is exactly why I need the MKE course!

The MKE so far seems to have all the answers that I need:

“When we start something and do no complete it,

or make a resolution, but don’t keep it,

we are forming the habit of failure;

absolute, ignominious failure.”

Those words… hit me as hard as if I had a ran against a wall.

I have had set myself up for failure! OMG!

Not once, or twice.

But again and again!

I was a slave to this habit. Almost naturally, because one of my strengths is ideation.

But this strength coupled with my weakness to follow through, to finish what I start and a lack of knowledge on how to start in a way that would set me up for success (Unfortunately, you don’t learn such skills at school!), got me nothing…

…but disappointment in myself.

Which I labeled as “failure”, rather than seeing it for what it was: A need to be worked on – a chance to grow.

And that is why the MKE will do me good.

And you too, if you find yourself portraied in my words, take my word for it!

 

If you’ve read the part about my current story and how my current work does not manage to motivate me – then you likely wondered:

Why are you not changing your situation, if you are so discontent?

And you are, excuse my language, damn right!

 

Truthfully, the question should not be: Why am I doing the MKE?

It should be:

Why am I still stuck in a situation that makes me suffer?

A situation that diminishes my light?

That wastes my unique gifts?

– Gifts, I am convinced, by-the-way, that we have all received when we came to this world.

And which makes me wonder:

If this should be all to life – I don’t want it, it’s not worth living for!!

(No, I’m not sucidal, don’t worry.)

But I am not OK with being stuck in the system, living a life of medicrity and failure, anymore.

To live only to make the ends meet.

Neither should you be!

After all, we only have one life!

 

As Og Mandino writes:

“Today I shed my old skin which hath, too long, suffered the bruises of failure and the wounds of mediocrity.”

 

Right now, more than each time I read these words aloud over the last 2 weeks, I can truly and with full feeling say:

“Today, I am ready to shed my old skin which hath, too long, suffered the bruises of failure and the wounds of mediocrity.”

Yes, the system works best if we just shut up & settle with the uncomfortable – we humans have that strength, to make do with the uncomfortable.

But, should we not use that strength for us?

To get what we want to get?

To go where we want to go?

Rather than it being used against us – letting someone else use our strength – to control our life?

 

 

To be continued!

5 Comments

    • Thanks Darren! What about you? Since it is year 8 – do you still find you need to update it much? But I guess it all depends on the time you gave yourself for the moment of your DMP. I doubt many of us wrote from the perspective of their 90 yr old self 😀

  1. Hey Kristin! Appreciate your sharing so much of yourself in this blog! I think you are absolutely right being ready to shed that old skin. For me, anytime I feel that kind of tired its because I am not aligned with my purpose! Its a sure clue that a change needs to take place, so you can feel invigorated every day! So writing your DMP is key!! Excited for your future!

    • Thank you Maria. I agree, when you work for a purpose and/ or love what you are doing – energy will be created along the way throughout the day. I’ve bee there and I guess that’s why I feel the mismatch more than before, because now I know better. I can’t wait to be back there!

  2. Thank you Kristin for sharing your experience and journey so honestly with us! I am sure many can relate with what you describe. And you are doing well! Only the insights that hits you are a hugh part of the process. Let your insights guide you in continuing to follow your heart, which by the way, are going to talk with you stronger and stronger. Just trust the process.

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